When Your System Is Full: What Overwhelm Is Really Telling You

Overwhelm... Is it stress? Am I just tired? Or is it, in fact, the sense that there is way too much going on, all at once? There is too much noise. We have to make too many decisions (not only for ourselves but often also for all of our family members!) There are too many expectations to try to meet. There is JUST. TOO. MUCH. INPUT! From the outside, we might look as though we are coping just fine (remember fine?). On the inside, though, our systems may be at capacity.

Overwhelm is not laziness or a lack of resilience. Very often, it is a source of information. When we explore overwhelm through a nervous system lens, it starts making sense. Our bodies are constantly tracking our body's load: Sensory, cognitive, emotional and social load. When the load exceeds our capacity, our nervous systems shift into protection. Under stress, the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for planning, organising and impulse control, becomes less efficient. What looks like 'not trying' might actually be a system under strain.

For neurodivergent young people and adults, overwhelm often escalates more quickly because their systems are handling different, and often heavier, processing demands.

Too Loud. Too Bright. Too Busy

Sensory overload is one of the most common (and most misunderstood) contributors to overwhelm. Research shows that autistic individuals in particular may experience heightened sensory processing differences, making everyday environments more demanding.

Sensory input that may seem like minor inconveniences to others, such as bright lights, background chatter, unpredictable movement, and strong smells tend to accumulate. The nervous system does not rank stimulation as “small” or “big.” It simply tracks how much it is carrying, and a system that is constantly bracing against constant input can start to feel completely depleted (spoon theory, anyone?)

Sudden irritation, withdrawal, or tearful behaviour after a busy day is likely to be sensory exhaustion, not moodiness.

So Many Tabs, So Little Energy

Planning, prioritising, switching tasks, remembering instructions, organising materials, all require cognitive energy. Executive functioning is exhausting. Research into executive functioning differences shows that these tasks demand sustained mental effort.

Simple requests can start feeling heavy when our brain is already trying to make sense of multiple "open tabs". Managing all of these open tabs can often be misinterpreted as a lack of motivation when, in reality, it is cognitive fatigue. The brain is tired, not unwilling.

When we are stressed, in that very moment we need it the most, organisation seems to be almost impossible.

The Hidden Cost of Holding It Together

Social masking adds another layer. Many neurodivergent people learn to monitor their facial expressions, tone of voice, posture, interests and reactions in order to fit social expectations. Research describes this "masking" as camouflaging, and it mostly happens subconsciously.

Masking can be adaptive in certain environments, but it is effortful. It requires constant self-monitoring. Over time, sustained masking has been linked to increased stress and burnout. When someone comes home and collapses, withdraws or seems disproportionately irritable, it may be the cost of holding it together all day.

It is also important to recognise that misunderstandings in communication are often mutual. The “double empathy problem” suggests that social difficulties arise from differences in perspective, not deficits within one person. When someone repeatedly feels misread or misunderstood, the social load increases further.

Early Clues Your Capacity Is Shrinking

Overwhelm doesn't just hit you out of nowhere. It builds up slowly like a pressure cooker. You might start noticing an increased sensitivity to noise. Concentrating becomes harder. Small tasks? Yeah, can't be bothered. Small interruptions can tip us into snapping. You may want to cancel plans or cry all the time without knowing exactly why.

These small behaviour changes are early indicators that your capacity is reducing. They are not signs of failure. The Polyvagal theory helps us understand this shift. As stress accumulates, the nervous system moves further from a state of safety and connection into protection states. Regulation becomes harder because our systems prioritise survival, and when we ignore the early signals, our system will get louder and louder and louder... Until we either experience a shutdown or fall into a complete panic.

Shift the Question: From “What’s Wrong?” to “What’s Too Much?”

A neurodiversity-affirming approach asks, “What is your system carrying right now, and what would reduce the load?” Sometimes the answer could be a simple one: taking on fewer tasks, asking for clearer instructions, taking sensory breaks, and focusing on finding quiet spaces more regularly. Sometimes what we need is relational: being understood rather than corrected. More often than not, though, it is both.

Regulation is not something we can force. We create conditions for it. As our load decreases, our nervous systems naturally move back towards balance. Overwhelm does not mean you are incapable, but actually that your system is full. Keep in mind that our capacity fluctuates. Sleep, stress, environment, health and support all play a role in how much we are able to deal with in any given moment. What felt manageable just a week ago may not feel as manageable today. We tend to see that as inconsistency (and then we are extra hard on ourselves) when, in fact, it is human variability. And human variability requires self-compassion and extending some grace to ourselves.

It doesn't matter whether you are supporting a teenager or navigating this yourself. Shifting the question from “What is wrong with me?” to “What is too much at this moment?” often softens our defensiveness and opens up space for problem-solving.

When we listen carefully to our systems, overwhelm is not noise. It is communication which, when responded to with curiosity rather than criticism, allows our system an opportunity to breathe and, through breathing, settle.

Suggested Reading:

• Alaghband-Rad, J., Hajikarim-Hamedani, A., & Motamed, M. (2023). Camouflage and masking behavior in adult autism. Frontiers in psychiatry, 14, 1108110. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1108110

• Brosnan M and Camilleri LJ (2025) Neuro-affirmative support for autism, the Double Empathy Problem and monotropism. Front. Psychiatry 16:1538875. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2025.1538875

• Girotti, M., Adler, S. M., Bulin, S. E., Fucich, E. A., Paredes, D., & Morilak, D. A. (2018). Prefrontal cortex executive processes affected by stress in health and disease. Progress in neuro-psychopharmacology & biological psychiatry, 85, 161–179. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pnpbp.2017.07.004

• Patil, O., & Kaple, M. (2023). Sensory Processing Differences in Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Narrative Review of Underlying Mechanisms and Sensory-Based Interventions. Cureus, 15(10), e48020. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.48020

• Porges S. W. (2022). Polyvagal Theory: A Science of Safety. Frontiers in integrative neuroscience, 16, 871227. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnint.2022.871227

• Roselló, B., Berenguer, C., Baixauli, I., Mira, Á., Martinez-Raga, J., & Miranda, A. (2020). Empirical examination of executive functioning, ADHD associated behaviors, and functional impairments in adults with persistent ADHD, remittent ADHD, and without ADHD. BMC psychiatry, 20(1), 134. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02542-y

• Zubizarreta, S. C., Isaksson, J., Faresjö, Å., Faresjö, T., Carracedo, A., Prieto, M. F., Bölte, S., & Lundin Remnélius, K. (2025). The impact of camouflaging autistic traits on psychological and physiological stress: a co-twin control study. Molecular autism, 16(1), 59. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13229-025-00695-9